of Beowulf and song tunes

I'm listening to old songs from the bad old 90's, or my preadolescent days...not good for me, actually. But hey, at least the inspiration is flowing back.

In another life, I wonder if I'd be a psych student still. What if I'd gone for acting as a kid? What if I'd discovered my love for polsci earlier? What if I had been bullheaded enough to decide to major in Literature? One good thing about the last few months is that I'm discovering more about myself; that part of me that's just been hiding for the last few years in the face of many other priorities.

In the light of recent events in politics, I'm almost happy to retreat to the fantasy world of novels, Beowulf, and sword and sorcery epics. I do wonder what kind of a life is it to practically sell your integrity for the sake of some good. If then, what good is it to be?

I think the same thing can be said for politics.

I gotta go before I get sentimental again.

nature's cosmic joke

SUNDAY: The ultimate fangirl experience: NEIL GAIMAN! I didn't get my books signed, true, but it was worth going to Serendra with Trisha and Mac just for a good q and a with the man. I got to meet several interesting people: Tim, Hope, Noee, and Rob. All older, very eccentric people. You meet the coolest people in a Neil Gaiman event.

The universe is playing one strange cosmic joke on me nowadays...

MONDAY: ...TREDONE again...reporting thankfully, not practicing. Psystat...correlations. At least it was something I knew. Zoology lecture wasn't so much the ordeal I expected (anything concerning the reproductive system is an ordeal for me...ick), and lab was marginally better. I ended up staying late again to watch/hang around during practice. At least playing with Justine's laptop was somewhat a good thing.

TUESDAY: TRIGBIO. Yes, like anything good beyond passing happens to me in trigbio. I have a decent score mean in that subject, but my variance is atrocious. KASPIL was great: I shocked Sir Bascara by actually speaking in Filipino! Hahaha! Then there was that earthquake while the gang and I were in the sport's complex. I did the most undignified thing: screaming. The volleyball practical test sucked for me (I failed...again). Still, my team won the championship. Kudos to Janine, Wong, and Franz for that!

Had to stay late AGAIN for practice (playing the last girl standing...) and had to make a shopping trip too. At least commuting with Nana and Franz (just like old days) made matters marginally better.

TODAY: Hell day by way of TREDONE again! Since I'm on the props/tech team, I had my hands full with arranging things, running about and basically trying to play damage control. Never mind if we didn't win. You guys danced to your best anyway. :)

cwts...

Finally, the return to Barangay Banaba:

I overslept! So I ended up having to run all the way from the Vito Cruz LRT station to Harrison Plaza (quite a long way, I realized), and I thought my asthma was going to kill me halfway. Anyhow, we were still right on schedule, and got to San Mateo without any hitches. We visited our host families again. Sheila, Marie, and I got to spend some quality time with Ate Andrea and her two kids Alex and Jon. I got to taste ginaataang tilapia for the first time in my life.

Afternoon was spent mainly playing with the kids, getting hyperactive owing to lunch (or for Nana and Justine, cotton candy), while trying to dodge Jon's attempts to bite the volunteers. Then we had to have our project presentation. So far, it's going okay, though I do believe that the Buklod Tao members are more than willing to make the best of the student presence in the area (now we have to fix up the reading center in addition to tutoring the kids).

Still, despite the inconveniences of travel and getting my shoes muddied and dealing with the dangerous river and the chronic smell of the neighborhood pig pens, I love being in CWTS. Salamat di ako nag-RO! For once, I thank God for my myriad disabilities.

Going home was mainly spent dozing off, or talking dazedly to my blockmates.

Thank God that not a single drop of rain has fallen here.

Tomorrow: Neil Gaiman at the fort. Meeting up with Trisha, Justine, and Mac. Possibly seeing my cousin too.

humor in the classroom

Today: figuring out for ourselves that the TREDONE trip would be postponed. Then during TREDONE class, we just had a discussion before breaking off into groups to talk over our research projects. (eek, must start my research!)

Psystat was the most fun thing yet: we got to play a game "Steal the Bacon." Can I just say, I wish I had more sleight of  hand.

I had to also attend a lecture about metafiction. It's the coolest thing, but I don't think I can attempt to write something that complex, yet.

crawling in from someplace

Yes, today the day of oddities...

TRIGBIO: I got to school early enough to hear Nana and Nica talking about their interesting days/mornings, whatever. Somehow, I got the feeling the world was about to end for two reasons: Firstly, I understand trig in some way or another, despite my dissociative amnesia (forgetting traumatic events)/failure to absorb Math back in AC. Secondly, Franz was late for his *fave* subject---an unbelievable thing that got quite a few eyebrows raised. Only someone with his aptitude for Math can walk into class as late as he did and still keep up with the discussion as if nothing happened.

KASPIL: Another sign the world will end: our prof managed to keep the discussion squeaky clean for once. And *gasp* he didn't call some of his usual victims/favorites. More on Rizal again. I understand Rizal, but I root for Bonifacio. Hahaha!

Lunchtime: Finally catching up with Justine and regaling her with all the events of the day. I thought I was coming down with something, but Trish and Andria figured it was at the very least dehydration. One bottle of lemonada was all it took for me.

PE: I managed to injure my elbow during practice (e.g: before class). Still, I got into almost every game for our team, and was a referee for the last game. It was kind of our day; we won not just the practice game, but even the first game we played for championships. Still, I felt my gut lurch every time I heard someone say, "Kat, it's your turn to serve." Ay yay yay. It doesn't help that I'm teammates with Janine, Franz, and Wong (all three of them can manage at least three good serves in one turn, and can spike like it's nobody else's business), and that everyone else on the team (Nina, China, and Kaye) are all likely to at least pass the course.

After PE, Soo Yeon treated me and Minseun to some merienda. Then after that, I just had to go home, but well, on an alternate route. That's what I get for being too lazy to go through the MRT.

On a note: I love my old-new backpack/pasiking. Old because I've had it since I was 10, new since well, I'm only really using it now as a schoolbag. It's perhaps the most snatcher-slasher-proof-thing I own.

Oh yes, I think I'm much more psychologically stable today now that I'm learning to let things go.

*sneeze*

I. Do. Not. Want. To. Start. Research. Forget TREDONE and Kaspil.

I am getting all these interesting invites from Pao (my dear prose editor) to attend various talks on writing. Problem though is that the scheduling gods of second term have it bad for me.

I'm more worried on finishing my story for Malate Lit Folio by Friday. I'm writing it in short bursts---I think I need to revisit the neighborhood tomorrow to get some dirtside inspiration on the hypothetical route that my three characters will take. It's funny how the entire mess began to take shape: first it was meant to be a suspense thriller thing using characters and places loosely based off my real-life experiences, then it turned into a flood misadventure inspired off the time Trisha and I got stuck in the bagyo. Now, it's turning out to be a misadventure cum sociopolitical yarn on varying levels.

At least it's better than writing angsty, Eponine-esque poetry. XD

slightly weathered...

I swear, my first term in DLSU was the best academic term I ever had. I cannot say the same about second term: Zoology, Kaspil, PE, and er, everything else in between.

I honestly thought we weren't going to make it for TREDONE. I was kind of hoping we'd get a decent grade, but not make it to the final presentation. As much as I'm proud of everyone and everything, I just wish it didn't have to get everyone so worked up. Or screw with everyone's schedules. I know I do not have to stress that much about it, but I can't help being affected by my own work, and the general feel of the entire thing especially with regard to group dynamics. Gah. Nine more days, guys.

Hm, matters are deteriorating somewhat. I talk to Nana, Franz, Jazz, and Wong less and less nowadays (owing perhaps to various matters and different skeds and crowds). And heck, I can't help but be ten times more impatient with Franz than I was during first term. I am honestly not sure why---but perhaps it's owing to my familiarity with his brand of work ethic, and also with my more frenetic manner as of late. Not a good recipe for seatmates/lab groupmates or anything.

Can someone tell me I'll be okay?

I know I think too much

Which is why I'm still awake...and reading everyone's blogs!

I hear Wicks scratching around upstairs...yes, she knows I should be in bed. But I can't sleep, mainly owing to the thoughts that have filled the vacuum in my mind.

So I have managed to forget most zoology related things. But since nature abhors a vacuum, what space that had been occupied by the toad systems is now filled with good memories of AC varsity night, some ideas for the Malate folio, and quite a few evil thoughts for penning down in some epic one day. And heaven forbid, I'm thinking of someone again. It's the weekend, it's the one weekend when I am not going to Taft, and my thoughts are still tied up in that direction. So to distract myself from the deteriorating present (grades suck, friends are stressed, and not speaking much to him for some God-knows-what reason), I enjoy memories.

Reading blogs is educational. I get to see different perspectives of the events we all lived through. I never knew that some of us had differing perceptions on things, or did certain things, or even thought about the most surprising matters.

Recently, I've begun to grow some sense of humor---yes, eighteen years too late. I don't consider this a fair trade-off for my academic aptitude. I spent eighteen years existing, five years learning about life, and only two so far actually diving into it with all the passion I possess, and only very recently learning to laugh at it.

Which makes me, according to developmental psych, something of a late bloomer, or someone who hasn't resolved some earlier stages of development.

So to all my good contacts here, particularly Justine, Nana, Jade, Nina, Janine, Nica, Kaye, China, Rory, and the rest...please have the patience to deal with me a little longer. I'll try to reform.

At the end of the day, we are older, but not always wiser

Alright, I'm taking some time from CWTS work, and just unwinding before cracking the Math book. As if I really want to study exponential functions and logarithmic functions.

So these last few days haven't been so easy. It could have been worse (honestly, I don't know how some people can keep their tempers under control.) Truth be told, I am SO glad that we're almost done with the TREDONE project. And that we can stop grumbling about practices, missing items, pasaways, tardiness, and the entire mess that tends to come with class projects. I used to think that upon arriving in college, everyone would have to act somewhat more mature about things like these. Well, it turns out that it does take some time for such things to happen.

Kudos however to Justine, Franz, Janine, Nana, and the rest for holding matters together during the rehearsals, and eventually our late filiming today. You guys really deserve a big break after the hell we all put you through.

Most of my worries are out of my hands now: I'm done enrolling, cwts is 'mostly done', and owing to some soul-searching (or maybe it's just the formalin), I might be able to get a grip on my psychological health now. I've been so out of wack for the last few weeks (swearing, crying, forgetting things, snapping at people, overeating, undereating, flunking zoology, acing anything numerically related, screwing up in PE, wearing skirts to school, and being somewhat of a pain in the ass). I need my more congenial self back again.