occasions to ponder

Upper hh with Tino, Arven, and Geom + helping Clar and the AC girls during their last club meeting for the year + my cousin's 21st birthday dinner + running into my old friends Shari and Mir at their father's 50th birthday celebration= some opportunities to think back on things.

Beginnings and endings. How 2008 was great yet 2009 promises to be better. Growing up as well. Realizing that so many things have changed in the world around me (everything from government cover ups to the global financial crisis, so on and so forth). Realizing that almost everyone around me has changed (for better or for worse, that's not for me to decide).  Believing in God's victories. Understanding that maybe I have the capacity to love, deeply and profoundly.

Sometimes I wish for my old isolation just so I can cover up the scars that have now marked my psyche. But are they scars, or are they experiences that have shaped me?

right in the middle of stress week...a good day

We were able to have a household. Yes. I am serious.

Today was a blur...biggest understatement. At least I got to have a one-to-one with Ate Ynah. I finally found a copy of the psycme book (PRAISE GOD!) I finished studying for midterms. Got to text Kuya Marco about random stuff/kumustahan. And oh yeah, got to attend/lead household, like I said. Super thanks to everyone who came: Dave, Rhea, Gayle, Moti, Kuya Niki, Kuya Tino, Kuya Arven, Olivia, and Francis.

Now I hope everyone will be okay, or at least much better. High-stress tambayan ata tayo ngayon. High stress BS-PSYC lalo pa.

Yes, thank You God. Somehow I can keep hanging on despite the constant weariness of this week and my current internal struggles. I pray that everyone could feel the same way too. :)

He is mighty to save...

I think God is giving me this weekend to sort things out.

Giving me a chance to try other things. To learn of other resources that I could possibly use one day for some good. To go back to one of the places that made me who I am (whether I like it or not), and be a big sister to those I left behind. To have the courage and strength to go back to life as I know it on Tuesday with the resolve to endure and overcome.

To talk to two people (even over IM) who have been helping me deal with matters (Ate Ynah, Ate Issa, thanks so much). To realize that even as a friend and psychologist-in-training, there are really just some things that I cannot handle at this point in time. That it is not easy to love or understand the three people who were the causes of some of my worries over the week (I love you guys so much, that's why I worry, that's why I get hurt, that's why I cry, and more importantly, that's why I'm still there. If only you'd ask).

To realize that maybe I do not have to always be hurt. To realize that more than just licking my wounds, I have to get over the pain and be strong. To understand that as hurt as I may be, there are always two sides to my experiences and that it's love that some people need, and not judgement or censure.

Before I went to sleep last night, the song "Mighty To Save" began to play on my computer. I think it was God's way of talking to me, of telling me that He has this entire situation in His hands. This is my part: to let this go, to surrender everything now to Him. To surrender and be an instrument of His love...in the way He chooses, not necessarily the way all theory dictates. To let God and let go.

Lyrics of "Mighty To Save"

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave

part one of a weekend....

Yesterday: honestly a little bit of a blur except for some serious discussion regarding psych topics for research, as well as the SMS GA. Congrats to the officers and junior comm. It was a lot of fun. Even if I felt so tired and a little emo after. Thanks to Ate Ynah for helping me get through my sordid line of thought.

Today: AC Shakesfest. Sooo much fun. I'm glad I got to watch this year since it just gets better and better each time around. I'm really impressed with IV-3's "Hamlet" rendition (Geri, Lui, and the rest...astig talaga). Congrats to Lysa also for playing Queen Gertrude.

Also got to catch up with Lysa, Chiara, Luisa Y and the other HS girls. Yeah, I think I had filled in the role of a "big sister" for them for some time. Should've been a better example though back in HS...

Friday the 13th or The Best Valentines' Celebration Yet

NEWS FLASH: Hindi na ako bitter!

The day began with getting to DLSU in time to hang out with Ate Issa and Ate Olivia while Kuya Arven was practicing for "Green Idol". After this, I had some lunch (gotta love those booths for University week) before going to the tambayan for a whole afternoon of just hanging out, sharing stories, pigging out, playing games, and bonding (mostly sisters bonding with Ate Drei, Ate Tinay, Ate Carmel, Ate Issa, Gayle, and AJ). I think it was about afternoon when I finally realized that I was no longer bitter...for a reason I'll explain later.

Dinner time at the tambayan, then Love Forum and worship. All of the brothers gave roses to the sisters. Wow. That was the first time I ever got a rose on Valentine's Day. After the Love Forum (ang galing talaga nito), I hung around a bit listening to the concert and eating again before it was time to go home.

So bakit di na ako bitter? I feel the love that's why. And I learned to say "I love you"...and actually mean it from the bottom of my heart.

To Ate Oche, Ate Ynah, Ate Carmel, Ate Olivia, Ate Drei, Ate Issa, Ate Tinay, AJ, Gayle, Geom, Rhea, Ate Melai, and Mira: it was really a special day. I'm glad we got to bond and feel so loved.

To Dan, Kuya Tino, Kuya Rocky, Rodz, Kuya Darwin, Kuya Arven, Francis, Josh, Drew, Kuya Marco, Kuya Jai, Kuya Leo, Charles, Ayanne, Philip, and Patrick: You guys all made this day something worth remembering. Thank you.

So much for Singles Awareness Day...this was Love Awareness Day. :D :D

bittersweet Wednesday

Yeah, that's what it is. With Clar in Singapore, everyone at home busy, and me still being unable to comprehend some of organic chemistry...it's no wonder I'm a little bitter.

But today was just sweet all the same for these reasons:

-9:30-11:10 tambay/food trip with AJ, Gayle, Dan, Rodz, Arven, and Francis. Yeah, wala kaming nagawang matino sa oras na un, pero ang saya pa rin. Corny jokes, some good food, too much Axe, and siyempre bonding.

-Getting out of my titration experiment early. Hahaha! Kudos to Andria and Marga!

-Understanding social psychology

-After school tambay with Ate Issa, Kuya Leo, Olivia, Carmel, Darwin, Rodz, Geom, Fer, Kuya Niki, Kuya Arven, Kuya Rocky, Josh, Jeff, AJ, Kuya Tino, Chris, and Francis. Got to stay for worship today! Sobrang saya!

-Finished up more SA work. Whew! And my homework too!

LEAP 2009

It was quite an experience: first time for me to be a class head. While I was really hoping to be a class head for the graphoanalysis class, I still had a blast helping out in the dreamworks class.

Things I won't forget: all of the work: catching up on forms, class lists, and coordinating

...getting perks like a LEAP shirt (woohoo, first DLSU shirt ko!)

...minor panic moment 30 minutes before class, clarifying equipment and room assignments!

...waiting on the 10th floor of the Andrew Building only to redirect my entire class to the 17th floor.

...what little tambay time I had over the day with Clar, Lara, Francis, Rocky, Tino, Fer, Paul, Gayle, Arven, Patrick, Dan, Mira, Olivia, Geom, and Dave.

...the actual dreamworks class with Sir RJ's interesting lecture and analysis of various dreams. Talk about insights into the unconscious...brrr...andami kong natutunan.

...eating at the EGI after. Usapan psych to the max!

It's a wrap! Congrats to everyone who participated! :D :D

so when was the last time I blogged?

What a frenetic week. Everything from BS-Psyc quiz-fest (Physics + orgchem+ Devpsyc), to CLA-CCS hh all the way up to dropping by the Magallanes chapter meeting = so much fun, so much love.

Lost for words talaga....

25 things!

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. I got tagged by Sir Kintanar. So here's my take on it.

 

 

1. When I was a kid, I seriously wanted to be a volcanologist, or an astronaut.

2. My nickname used to be Kat-Kat. I only dropped the second "Kat" when I was thirteen and I entered the seventh grade.

3. I get "last song syndrome" whenever I hear Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love".

4. I don't know why I started biting ballpens as a nervous habit.

5. My favorite color used to be blue until my senior year of high school, when I switched to red.

    6.   I'm actually allergic to alcohol (I only confirmed this in 2008)

 

7. I haven't had a summer devoted exclusively to bumming around since I was fifteen and I began doing transcribing work just to earn extra cash for all my gimmicks.

8. I taught myself to type fast when I was in Grade 5 and a staffer for the BEACON (our grade school paper). It was the only way to get my articles finished in that cramped computer lab.

9.  I used to be in Star Scouts till Grade 4.

10. I will admit this: please go and look at the February or March 2007 issue of Meg. I'm in it.

11. I used to watch Voltes V and Akazukin Chacha all the time when I was a kid.

12. Inasmuch as I hated telenovelas, I was exposed enough to memorize the plotlines of  "Maria La Del Barrio", "Chabelita" and "Rosalinda".

13. I am a born geek. I asked for a microscope when I was six, and Philippine history books when I was eight.

14. I practically taught myself to read. My parents were too busy when I was a kid, and had no time to read stories to me.

   15.   One of my hidden passions is acting. I even signed up for a musical theatre class in  high school.

 

16. I enjoy most genres of music (yes, even R&B), but I will always like neo-ethnic music because it reminds me of my off-the-wall childhood.
17. I am actually pretty good at baking. My specialties include leche flan, bread pudding, and more recently, chocolate chip cookies. :)
18. My favorite comfort foods include cheese fries and cafe mocha.     

19. I have a soft spot for nautical fiction, especially by Patrick O'Brian.

20. To some degree, I will always be a fan of "Star Wars" and "Lord of the Rings".

21.  I only learned how to verbally spar with people/make hirit in college!!

22. I only began keeping a journal in earnest when I was in Grade 6. It was a suggestion from my mentor then, Ms. Carla Pacis.

23. I'm actually a hopeless romantic. I cried while reading "A Walk to Remember" and I love to watch chick flicks.

24. I have bad knees, but then again, I'm always the one who jumps into the middle of the dance floor during a party. Talk about being reckless!

25. I have had a few crushes ever since getting into high school, but I've only seriously liked two guys.

I tag:

1.Bianca Deslate

2.David Manangan

3.Ynah Inojosa

4.Tino Suministrado

5.Carmel Puertollano

6.Olivia Banela

7. Darwin Martinez

8. Isabelle Arias

9. Drei Florentino

10. Oche Pua

11. Dan Mendiola

12. John Louis Son

13. Patricia Lumanlan

14. Geomari Cantor

15. Rocky Tagle

16. Gayle Tagle

17. Miraflor Celemin

18.Trinidad O'Leary

19. Julie Yang

20. Niki Roque

21. Gerene Leal

22. Justine See

23. Rhea Salonga

24. Andrea Gamboa

25. AJ Bustamante

one very praiseworthy year later...(the thank you post)

Yeah, I know I should have posted this on February 1. But well, this is better posted later than never.

February 1, 2008: The day that pretty much set in motion my "one year of NO regrets". Yes, seriously. That day was really one in which God's hand was at work in my life. Who'd think that slipping in the SJ building and coming up against a door would be so...providential. And deciding to knock on that door and ask "Can I join the prayer meeting?" was one of the biggest leaps of faith I could have taken then.

5 people who somehow made all the difference in the first few minutes: Ate Oche, Ate Regz, Mira, Gayle, and Ayanne. If it hadn't been for the 5 of you, I do not know if I would have stayed in that room in SJ. If I would have stayed for the prayer meeting. You guys just welcomed me even if you did not know me. Thank you.

Especially to Ate Oche, Mira, and Gayle---we never had a lower hh during that part of the school year, but having sisters like you helped turn things around for me. I really felt God's love through the three of you.

Thanks so much to everyone else I got to know after...

-To Kuya Niki for basically being my big brother all the way and dealing with all of my neuroses and occasional lack of faith.

-To Kuya Marco, Kuya Tino, and Ate Ynah for being more than just my kuyas and my ate, for knowing how to let me see God's love in everything. I know I'm sometimes problematic, but your patience with me has convinced me that yes, love is something still real in this world.

-To Kuya Arven, Ate Tinay, Ate Issa, Ate Drei, Kuya Darwin, Ate Melai, Kuya Leo, Kuya Mark, Ate Marj, Kuya Teddy, and Kuya Rocky for being my role models, source of moral support, and inspirations to make the best of what God has given me.

-To Dave, for being the best partner I could ask for in leading a household, and for being such an inspiring brother to us all. You're one of the biggest blessings in my YFC life now.

-To Dan, Karl, Rodz, James, Earl, Francis, Ron, RJ, Drew, Josh, Charles, and Pao, for being Proof of God's Integrity in your own ways, for being such amazing brothers, for the many laugh trips, food trips, bonding times, and great memories.

-To AJ and Ate Carmel, for all of the sisterly love, the inside jokes, the many sharings, and the things we went through over the year. You both inspire me in different ways.

-To Ate Olivia, Moti, Nelly, Lara, Francine, and Tin for the bonding in and out of the tambayan, the food trips, photo trips, random conversations and being more than just ka-YFCs. You're like family too (pero di pa kayo nagpa-ampon sa amin, ahahaha)

-To Rhea, Jeff, Philip, Patrick, Anna, Geom, Eka, Paul, Fer, Paolo, Arianne, Kim, and Jed for being among my simple joys, among my reasons for being an ate, among my reasons to keep standing firm in the faith, for the many things you have all taught me.

Three hundred sixty-eight days later...I can't believe what God has given me. Many trials and heartbreaks, true, but so many more blessings and opportunities. I did let go of a lot of people in my life, but I learned to appreciate some people in my family again, and I gained a whole group of friends who are like family to me. I felt God's love in 2008 more than in any other year so far. I used to think that 2004 (the year I was 15) was my best year. But 2008 was just the best and 2009 promises to be better.

After all of this, may God be praised!

YouTube - Lost Generation

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA
something my dad forwarded to me. Never give up!