Tuesday, September 23, 2008

very early in the morning musings

It's past midnight, I know I have to be in bed, but I am still suffering from insomnia.

I've been swinging back and forth from euphoria to doubt for two, maybe three days now. There are times when I am so unsure, so scared, so distrustful of everything to the point that I feel paralyzed and pessimistic. With all of the things coming up: grades, tests, scholarship duties, activities, and more, I feel overwhelmed and helpless. Sometimes I feel like I can't do anything anymore.

Yet I know that I have no reason to fear, no cause to give up. No, not while I know God loves me. Not while I can still see blessings in my life. So there are those times, like during breaks, during worship, when I understand the lessons, when I can laugh, that I feel all is right and wonderful in the world. And once again, I remember the value of surrender.

Maybe I do not need to always be in control.

I believe that the love I have from the people in my life and the love I can give is strong enough to overcome the shadows that I see. I believe that yes, there is a love beyond all reason, and that it comes from God.

"Cause all You are, is all I want...always" .

God's morning to you all.

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