external and internal drama

Today was good but oh how I wish it was better for many of us. Lots of challenges and tension in the air, even at the tambayan. I suppose it's because it's hell week. It's my first hell week outside of my usual crowd...and boy what an interesting week this has been. Lots of things I've learned, lots more people to care for in unexpected ways. Thank God that theories of personality and englstress are OVER!

Congrats to Pat, Claire, Sarah, and Sheila for winning Best Experiment, and to Wong, Nana, Jade, and Minseun for coming close!

I've been looking back on some things...how I wish I had done better on that major requirement. It's not that we did bad as a whole. I am not even angry, but just a little disappointed. I just wish I'd shot higher, dreamed more, dared more...it's not because I have high standards, but because it could have gone in a different direction.

No, don't tell me that doing my best is important. I know that I can do much more than what I think is my best. I don't want to be the one setting my own limits. I don't want to work to only five steps behind the fence of my mind when I know that there is a possibility I can go over it. Call me quixotic, perfectionistic or crazy. I am not looking for the security of my limits, but I am looking to transcend, to be the best I can, to work towards potential even if I don't see it yet.

In psych terms: I am not just content with security and esteem, but I am aiming for self-actualization. In spiritual-religious terms: I am not just happy because God created me, but I am striving to become the person that God created me to be. I am not just secure in God's love, but I want to become better because of it. Ganon ang pag-ibig!

I am definitely looking forward to any post-finals gimmicks and chances to get people together, chances to reunite, bond, and hopefully get some direction with my execom friends, a chance to go to the mall with my barkada...